She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
