If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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