it hurts more in the daytime
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Found the puke drawer
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
