Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
