You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
