Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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