It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
