I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
if only i could text you this smell
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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