Non-Jews are for practice
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
