alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
