For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
