I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
