My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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