don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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