I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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