You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I could fuck to npr.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
