Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
