Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
