If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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