I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
