well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
