I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
