ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
