I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
