I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Someone came in the potted fern
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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