i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Randomize
