I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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