if i can run in heels then i can drive
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
