I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
