Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
