Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
