Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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