I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
