So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
