Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
