I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
