Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
