also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
did you just send me my own nude
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
