dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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