So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
