...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
