Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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