A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
