That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
