someone get that fucking seahorse.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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