Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
