You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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