I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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