Plan B is the new Plan A
I didn't shave. On purpose
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
