This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
