My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
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