i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
