my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
