He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
