Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
